>ko je bila okoli naju tisina in
preden si se resnicno zavedla, da
je ni, preden ti je postalo kristalno
jasno, da tvoje stegovanje rok
do nje nima smisla, da metanje
stvari v steno ne pomaga, in
da te nikoli ni niti opazila.
takrat si se nagnila k meni, z licem
dotaknila mojega, odprla narahlo
ustnice in mi zasepetala,
da me ne maras
vec

aha.

>med sprehodom ob ljubljanici delava plane za pomlad.
od dalec vidim, da nama prihaja nasproti ona. njeni boki, in tista njena crna tanktop majica, ki tako fenomenalno povdari obliko prsi. ko je cisto blizu si skrivoma ogledujem njene ustnice. ulovi moj pogled, ga drzi in pomezikne.
spomnim se, da njene ustnice perfektno pasejo na moj vrat.

ponoci mi po hrbtu z jezikom rise osmice in pusca mokro sled.
spomnim se njenega toplega dihanja na mojem usesu, okus moje krvi, ko me je v navalu strasti ugriznala v ustnico. vonj njenega orgazmicnega potu je se vedno boljsi od najboljsega parfuma.
moje koncentracije ze zdavnaj ni vec in z veseljem se pretvarjam.

enkrat ji koncno prekipi in zaluca pepelnik v mojo smer.
v treh jezikih mi prekleje vse po spisku in to tudi resno misli. ce bi lahko, bi mi strgala kozo z obraza in mi pokazala, kaksna prasica sem. na zalost sem jo ze zdavnaj nehala poslusat in sem z mislimi nekje drugje.
takrat si v mislih predstavljam njo in njen nasmeh jutri ob kavi.

>stop it
i dont want to know
i already know you wont do it
she is more important to you than me
i know it all
i dont need you to confirm it
over and over again

either kiss me
or keep it to yourself.

>standing at the traffic light, its red
i see you on the other side of the street
correcting your blond hair, with a
cigarette in your hand,
fighting snow on pavement

cold breeze of cars passing takes me
back to when i first say you, shouting
to get my attention
sitting across you at table i inhaled your
scent, you smelled of sea salt and rain

with corner of my eye i see light turn
yellow, i remember the night when you
pulled me close and promised one
hundred summers, kissed my forehead
and smiled

traffic light switches to green, my
mind turns blank, i look away and
youre just a memory.

>nimam pojma, o komu so tile stavki.
mogoce o meni, tebi, njej. mogoce o njej?
najverjetneje bom izbrala tri in jih poljubno rotirala.
a se ne zgodi vsem isto, prej ali slej?

ne maram tebe.

mogoce ne maram nje, ne vem. mogoce mi je vseeno.
ne maram abecede. ne maram velikih tiskanih crk.
velike tiskane crke so egocentricne in mislijo,
da si zasluzijo pozornost.
kricijo, daj, prosim, opazi me. pomembna sem.

obljubim, da sem.

v mojih sanjah je tvoja glava vedno na mojem ramenu.
nerodno udobna situacija,
in prekleto nerealna.
tako kot moja roka, ki boza tvoje lase dokler ne zaspis.

in vse, kar imam, je ta razredcena verzija
ljubezni.

>if i were to say i missed you

id be only half right because
“you” are like an ice cream
i never care much for

flavor simply doesnt stick to
my tongue, and the cone isnt
crusty

chocolate chips fall off too fast
and i hate how you melt
on my fingers

maybe i should try a different
store, maybe youre meant to
be eaten from a cup

whatever it is, i guess im
doing it wrong

so
heres a metaphor
for us.

>shes my cocaine, an addiction i keep forgetting to kick
far from sight, but not too far away for me to taste the poison
it burns as her lips touch mine
her fingers inside me feel razor-sharp
when she bites my lip it tears me apart
at the same time i beg for more

in the morning im left with a handful of lies
and too many regrets to look her in the eye without shame
semantically null sentence

you and i
we’re nobody

>i dont think about you much
anymore
but today i miss you

    the way i miss ideas
an ending to that poem i never finished
but simply dont care enough about
    the way i miss the summer
only to realise its not yet the time for flip-flops
and i wish for something else
    the way i miss having someone to miss
but your smile always outweighed my principles
and i already drew a line too many times

but still, today..

>i reach for my phone tho shes standing right next to me
my thoughts cant be expressed out loud, i shouldnt even have them
messages keep them private, between us
he doesnt have to know

maybe it was the drinks, or her black dress
her make-up was subtle, as was her hand going down my back
but her looks.. her looks were teasing

i never did give her that birthday kiss
i wonder.

>waterdrops slide down the bathroom window
i draw a daffodil with my finger

her face flashes before my eyes
i smile

suddenly a rush of bitter taste in my mouth
bad memories

i feel my eyes turn cold
as i dry the window with my towel.