>je rekla, da noce nic vec od mene.
tko, nic. definicijo “u izi”.
ampak vseeno bi, da jo spustim se par mm blizje.
par mm blizje od nic?
kje je to?
daj mi koordinate, se dobima tam.

je vprasala, da ce bova potem mogle zacet od zacetka.
od kje bi pa ona zacela?
s tle, kjer sma zdej, samo s parmesecnim odmorom?
kako se to nardi?
ne znam tega, me bos mogla naucit.

in je rekla, da ni panike.

(ni panike!?)

koncno poderem zidove
skrampam si srce iz prsnega kosa
ji ga pomolim direkt pod nos
“na, delaj, kar hoces!”
in ona rece, da ni panike.

(ni panike!?)

in sedaj sedim tu, trola pelje nekam kajvemkam
v grlu imam knedl in poskusam prikimat.
vse, kar spravim iz sebe je “okej.”.

izgleda ni panike.

>i really dislike sharing her.
she says i dont.
a quick nod ends the discussion.

..and again ill believe her barefaced lie,
“radateimam.”.

>it was just a kiss

(nothing more and nothing less)

the touch of her lips familiar

(i know it well)

an innocent slip of the tongue

(a passionate touch)

i lean in for seconds, and thirds

(i never have enough)

.
.
.

>od prejsne noci se mi po glavi valja
stavek “presenecenja ti gredo dobro od rok.”
(pubertetnisko) navdusena sem nad foro skrito v stavku,
in se lepsi obcutek je, da jo razumes samo ti.

>this morning i walked around my apartment, sticking
post-it notes to all the places where i want to

/fuck/

you.

>obrnem se proti njej, z ustnicami se narahlo
dotaknem njenega levega ramena in, s cmokom
v grlu v pricakovanju se enega jutra blizje
njenemu odhodu, recem “moja moja”.

>obe stojima pred bavarcem, cakama godoja.
zame sestka, zate devetka. nisi dalec, a vseeno
me ignoriras. prav smesna si, ko se delas nedostopno.

in kaj potem, ce bi ona vedla, da si me enkrat
poljubila?
(naredila si veliko vec kot to, ampak ni vazno.)

in se preden se zapeljemo mimo tistega drevesa
pri filofaxu, kjer sma se vedno srecevale, dobim sms.
pravis, da ti moje besede pomeni nic.

zakaj mi to moras povedat vsakih stirinajst dni?
(si skoraj kot alarm. tocna.)

uporabljas besede direkt iz sskj-ja, kot da bi jih
iskala posebej za ta sporocila. boli mene za neskladje,
abstrahiranje in simbolicnost povabila na kavo.

naslednjic ti odpisem v braille pisavi.
(saj ti je vseeno, ne?)

>its been almost ten days since we last spoke,
i cant even remember how we said goodbye.
(i finished that vodka.)
ive never been smart, but im smart enough
to know that its not the same. whats even more
confusing is that im okey with it.

but then again.
everybody knows that poets are liars, and liars
are good at playing make believe and babe,
i dont think i love you any more.

>afternoon filled with flirting and sexual
innuendos, intended or accidental, either
making me feel “funny” down there.
hiding behind sunglasses, averting your look
thats always said so much, me imagining a
wet streak my tongue would leave on your neck.
you put it so eloquently, “its my body reacting”,
tapping your leg nervously, while i cant help
but wish away this table between us.
did we really waste our time?
would a kiss really be that wrong?
flipping through frames of our past life with
the smell of your chewing gum in my head. its
taste made me noxious, mixed with cigarettes,
yet i hold on to the wrapping.
instant reminder of your lips.